I need Tivo

Life changes when you have a baby. Everybody tells you that and it's true. The new fall lineup has come out. Normally, this would be an exciting time for me. Something to look forward to after work. Checking out new shows, enjoying new seasons of old favorites, etc. I love TV!

But all that has changed. I'm basically out of commission for the 7 - 8 p.m. time slot and often the 8 - 9 timeslot. This is because we have a night time routine now. It works for E.A., which is awesome, and I really enjoy it. She usually has her last meal between 6:30 and 7:00. Then, between 7:30 and 8:00 she gets to eat some cereal from a bowl. (not cornflakes...baby cereal).
Also, she gets a bath in there somewhere every other night. After all that is done, she goes upstairs and gets her PJ's on, I read her the book "Goodnight Moon," we rock a few minutes, and she goes to sleep. It's awesome. She's gotten used to it, so I can just put her in her crib and she'll play with the strings hanging from the mirror attached to her crib and then go to sleep.

This is wonderful. She's such a good baby. But I'm missing all the shows. So in the middle of caring for her we have to run around the house putting tapes in one or tw TV's to tape the shows we're missing. Last night there were 3 shows on at the same time that we wanted to see. We taped "House" and "Gilmore Girls" and I missed "Dancing with the Stars." And I LOVE that show.

I try to find other times to watch the shows. Sometimes I stay up after she's gone to sleep and watch them. But if I stay up too late, and then she wakes up early, I'm tired all day. And sometimes I watch them during the day, since I'm home with her now. It's working out O.K., but when I go back to work, I'm doomed.

Oh, the sacrifices of motherhood have already begun.

Roaming

Elizabeth is on the move. She can roll wherever she wants to go. It's pretty cool. She rolls from her stomach to her back to her stomach, etc. She usually just rolls in one direction, over and over. I've seen her roll over once or twice, but I realized the full extent of her rolling last week. I was at home doing laundry, and I put her on her tummy for the obligatory "tummy time."
I say obligatory, because nowadays babies are supposed to sleep on their backs all the time. It's supposed to be safer for them. So for them to develop the strength and skills they need to learn to crawl and walk, you have to put them on their tummies to practice baby push-ups and stuff.
Anyway, I was doing laundry and I came back into the den and I didn't see her. I kind of freaked out, and then I looked around and she was across the room, smiling at me. She had rolled all the way over there!!!

I've already put away some clothes that she's grown out of. 0-3 months. And it won't be long before I put away the 3-6 months stuff. It's funny. I can't wait for her to become more communicative, and to start doing new stuff. At the same time, it makes me sad that she is growing up. I look at those little clothes and it's like, "she'll never wear that again." My little girl is growing up!!

I'm not worthy!

That's such a funny phrase. I'm not worthy. It's used flippantly, as a joke when people are in the presence of something or someone that they feel is very great. When I was expecting E.A., I would often imagine what it was going to be like to see her and hold her for the first time. I imagined that I would feel extreme joy, which I did. And I knew that I would feel so blessed and grateful to have successfully brought her into the world. After carrying a baby for 9 months, and worrying if everything was going to be allright (at least that's what I did!), it was such a relief to have her arrive, with 10 fingers and 10 toes, a tiny little miracle. I knew that I would be overwhelmed with emotion, which I was.

But one emotion that I didn't expect to feel was unworthiness. I often look at her, and I just can't believe that God gave HER to ME! I feel like she is more than I deserve. Those first couple of weeks at home, I couldn't believe that they let me take her home from the hospital. Just like that. She was mine. I remember thinking, "shouldn't I have to take a test, get a background check...something??" Nope. God created her, and he gave her to me. What a gift!!!!!

I can only compare it to the feeling of becoming a Christian, and getting to the place where you get it...you realize that even though you didn't do anything to deserve it, God loved you so much that He made a way, through Christ, for you to be in fellowship with him forever. He gives us the gift of salvation. I remember being younger, and being so excited about that, and so excited about my relationship with the Lord. I would tell people about it, because I wanted them to know. Having my daughter has made me look anew at the wonder of his creative power. He is the Creator! And He is the Savior. And He loves us even when we don't deserve it, because that's who He is. And now there is another soul in the world, and I am already praying for her, that she will grow up with a tender heart, a heart that has a passion for God.

I am so thankful for and humbled by the precious little life that God is letting me be a part of.